An Owed Explanation

We're moving again, and because you have supported us in so many ways, we wanted to let you know what is up. A little over a year and a half ago, I wrote this:

I still see the wind. It hasn't ceased, yet. I feel it, and the enemy would have me crumble beneath it as I prepare to forsake comforts and lay down my life and the lives of my kids, once again. I am weaker and more broken-hearted than I have been in a long time, maybe ever. I want to run. But I will stay clenched in his mighty right hand. Ready and willing to obey Him because He is worth it! This process of daily having to get out of the boat, to take up my cross, with the wind in my face, is one of the most painful things I have ever done. But I know I heard His voice, and it is a voice I can trust. That voice may lead me into the waves, but He will be there, refining me, growing me, making me keenly aware of how weak I am, but how very great and good He is. His grace is sufficient. His power made perfect in my weakness. O for grace to trust Him more...

I wrote those words as our family stood on the edge of stepping out in faith as we began to say goodbyes and pack our bags to leave our home of 9 years. It was a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, painful time, and yet, it was sweet. It was sweet because we relished in the fact that we loved and were loved so well by the people we had worked among for 9 years. And it was a time that I look back on with great fondness because I felt the nearness of the Father so deeply. We had prayed, fasted and sought counsel from Godly people in our lives. We had read His word and listened. We had waited for an answer. We knew He had said it was time to close down and pack up. That was sure, but there were months when we didn't know where or when.

As I have read back through my journal and notes I made in my Bible, as I have recalled conversations, prayers, and even revelations, I am just as sure today as I was then that He answered us. He made it clear that we were supposed to move to Southeast Asia. And in the last year and a half, I have certainly had moments when I have doubted it. I am sure there are people who believe we made the wrong decision to begin with, that we should have never moved. I have entertained the thought that maybe they are right. I have had to battle to remember that His voice was clear those days a year and a half ago. He spoke. He called. And we answered.... even though it didn't make complete sense to us or to a great deal of people who know us.

And the "non-sensical" continues. Why would He move us across the world for such a short time just to move us right back, only a few hours from where we started? The financial, physical and emotional burden has been heavy. It's been hard. And if it wasn't hard enough from a inward, personal standpoint, it has been tremendously hard to convince others that we are just trying our hardy best to obey the voice of the Lord, to walk in faith, and to glorify Him at every step. I want so badly for people to get me, to accept me, to approve of me and my decisions. But as Paul spoke to the Galatians, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." There is slight comfort in those words. Not everyone, not even his brothers and sisters in Christ always approved of Paul's decisions. They didn't always see what God was doing in and through him. And Paul knew that they didn't have to. He was a servant of Christ. (Side note: this doesn't mean we don't seek to follow the words and wisdom of Godly leaders in our life. This verse is not to be used to excuse our foolishness.)

I could list out all of the reasons why I believe God led us to Southeast Asia for such a short time to only lead us back, but in an effort to be open and candid, because we are stewards of your support, I will share two reasons why I believe God has moved us in this way. One: Brian has an engineering background. He is skilled in working with computers and really enjoys helping others in that capacity. Brian was a needed asset to a team of people within our organization to help offer support to our colleagues around the world in the realm of IT. We had been asked for years to consider taking that job. The job in SE Asia was a step back from front-line ministry work so that he could help in that department, and Brian thought he could do both because he has seen others do it. He thought he could work in the office during the day and then focus on local ministry after hours. Brian enjoyed that job and the team, yet he had a harder time than anticipated not being involved locally full-time. God used that experience to show Brian a more specific view of his call to the nations. Had the Lord not brought us to that job, we would never have seen our heart and gifting to do frontline, full-time work and the immense joy and desire we have in following Him in that work. Brian now knows, that while he has the skill set to do a job in an office, it is not what God created Him to do. While in Thailand, we gained a tremendous appreciation and respect for those who do hold the lines of support. They have a tremendous ministry to our people, and we don't know where our organization would be without them.

The other reason (that I will share) that I believe the Lord had us walk this path, was to create a deeper intimacy with Himself. He is the goal of all of this! That we would count everything else as loss to gain Christ and be found in Him. Philippians 3 has been all over me for the last two years. It's about Him! Only Him! All Him! Nothing else. His work is to sanctify us, to teach us dependence on Him, to show Himself powerful and mighty and glorious in our lives, to teach us to empty ourselves and put on Christ, to cling to nothing else but Him. This is what He wants for us because He is the greatest good for us and for our family. And so, as we have walked this path and we have been emptied and emptied again, we have known His sweet presence. We have seen His goodness in the small minute details of our lives. He cares about things in us that no one else would even think to care about. And He has taught us so much about who He created us to be. He is a good Father teaching us to obey all that He commanded. He is so faithful. His steadfast love is all around us.

And so now, we head back to the Balkans to do frontline work. The way He led in us moving to Bulgaria right now as opposed to down the road, at a later time, was so all Him. All Him! The story is so multi-faceted. It could only be Him.

And so, as we await our visas for a new place of service, and as I think about what the new name of this blog is going to be (sigh), we are trusting Him, confident that He has led in all of this, that He has our best interest and the best interest of our children in His plan, that He is paving the way through a mucky and unnatural terrain. He is shining light in the shadows, and He is teaching us to trust Him more. The words that I wrote a year and a half ago are still true today, and I am so thankful for how He is teaching me to believe them.

Thank you for partnering with us in prayer as we journey here, there, and everywhere. You have been tremendous and have loved us so well as you prayed for us and cheered us on in this wild journey. We ask that you continue to pray as we now look to say goodbye again and venture out on this new path that God has placed so surely before us.