About 3 weeks ago I had a string of bad personal time with God and I distanced myself from Him. Whenever that happens you know that things will start to go poorly. All the thoughts of what I am missing in America start to come out and dwell. I never got to the point that I wanted to get on a plane and go home, but if at that moment the IMB decided to send me home than that would have been okay with me. Of course I miss my family and my cousins, but I also miss parts of the American Dream that I had wanted for nearly all my life. Having a nice car and motorcycle along with a home in the Rocky Mountains so I could go rock climbing, backpacking, fly-fishing, and picture taking whenever I wanted. I also would have the money that comes from being an engineer to spend on the toys needed to do those things and keep me “happy” (and of course it would be near a big city so Mandy could shop J). It is one thing to sit in America surrounded by everything and realize that you will be leaving it, but it is a completely different thing to actually get over here and to have left it behind you. The pull of the world is very strong and it would be so easy to compromise.
When you start entertaining the thoughts of going back, you start to justify things and compromise your relationship with God, the truths of the Bible that you know are there, and the things which God has shown you/convicted you with the Holy Spirit. You meditate on the things that you want for yourself (the flesh) and find out how far you can follow God before it interferes too much with the those things. When you find the point where those meet, then most people will settle there. As for us, we could go back to America and get the job and toys that we want along with a house in the Rocky Mountains. Realizing that there is a need for missions and giving everyone an opportunity to hear about the sacrifice of Christ, we could make our ministry the local people around us, the friends that we make along the way, and truly be the best witnesses we could be while we pursue what we want in life. In that week, about 3 weeks ago, I had it all figured out: how I could do everything I wanted and try to do some of what God wanted.
But that wasn’t going to work…
After spending extended time with God over the weekend to correct myself, the truth that I already knew grew bold in me again. That when this life is over, it isn’t going to matter what job we had, how much money we made, or if we did everything that we wanted in this life. These things aren’t necessarily bad, but rather gifts from God. But when we die, we will be judged on our relationship with God. The first thing will be if you have one: if you have believed in the truth of the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ and placed your faith in that work to restore your relationship with God. If you do have a relationship with God, the second thing you will be judged for is how you have lived your life for God and your stewardship of what he has given you.
“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one's work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one's work, of what sort it is. If anyone's work, which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.” - 1 Corinthians 3:11-15 (NKJV)
The believer’s life will be tested for the good work of the faith. The house, the car, the money, and everything material in this world does nothing. Advancing the gospel, being and ambassador for Christ, being the fragrance of life unto life … everything that God asks of us and asked specifically to each one of us is what will be judged. If I went back to America I would be walking away from what God specifically asked me to do and at the end of this life I would have a map full of places that I have been, but it would all get burned away when standing before God. And the truth is that although my flesh would be happy, I would be miserable because I know that I was compromising in the only area where I can find contentment and in the only area that truly matters in life. Now the path of a missionary is not everyone’s calling, but it was mine and that is what I must follow. Three verses came to my mind at the end of that week about 3 weeks ago. The first:
“But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” 1 Timothy 6:9-10 (NKJV)
Inspiration from Paul just before his death:
“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.” - 2 Timothy 4:6-8 (NKJV)
So ultimately I realized that I am either going to live my life for God or live it for myself. Those are the only two possible roads. Although I would very much like to live it for myself, I know that true contentment is in following God. My sacrifice to God for the salvation He gave is to live my life for Him and not the one of the flesh.
And I close with this:
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” - Romans 12:1-2
There is
A LOT more to this than what I shaved off to put in a post. If you want to know more about what I have said, just send me an email.